Sibling Love in Adoption

Author Archives: Kelly Jacobson

Sibling Love in Adoption

Sibling Love in Adoption by Ahnah Katsis

I have never felt any different growing up being adopted and having biological siblings. I am one of those people who is obsessed with my family and very close to all my siblings. My parents adopted 3 kids before having 2 biological children. I am the oldest and always felt the same amount of love from our parents, sometimes knowing that I am the favorite child.

There is a term in the adoption world and it is called “gotcha day”. It refers to the day that a child was adopted and a lot of families have little celebrations on that day. My family has never celebrated that day with any of us adopted kids and a lot of kids I know that were also adopted do not celebrate it. I feel as if it is almost more negative than positive. I do not need a day to celebrate when I was adopted. When my parents took me home from the hospital after I was born is the day that I believe I was adopted. I feel like if we did celebrate it, then it is just a constant reminder that I am a little different than their biological children. I feel like for any adopted child when they have biological siblings, all the kids are equal in their parents eyes and do not need to be celebrated extra because we are all loved the same. 

My relationship with not only my biological siblings, but all my siblings, is great! I think sometimes people might think its hard to be super close to their family when there are 8 kids, but I have always been. I would pick hanging out with my family over friends 9/10 times because I love being around them. There even is a huge age gap between me and my youngest brother. I am 23 and he is 7, yet I love hanging out with him and being with him because it brings me so much joy. Hanging out with any of my siblings does. My youngest sister is 14 and one of the biological siblings and she is one of the funniest people I have ever met and we get along just how any sisters would. We will always love each other and have the other’s back, but we sure can fight about the most petty things but still love each other the same. There are many similarities between me and my siblings. Just the way we act, talk, or sometimes look. People have told me that me and my youngest sister look alike which is crazy to me. Obviously every person is different but the way our parents raised us we act and talk the same. 

I would have to say that the reason I am so close to my siblings is because of the way our parents raised us. They did/are doing an amazing job. They never forced us to be close and act the same, but just in the way we have grown up we do. I think it is so important to be close to your siblings and I am so lucky that I am because I don’t know how I would live if I wasn’t. My family is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t want to change it for the world.


I’m Proud of You

My name is Ahnah Katsis and I am 23 years old. I was adopted at birth and have always known my birth mom for as long as I can remember. My parents have always been very open and willing to answer any questions I have had about my adoption. My birth mom has also been the same way. I have many memories about growing up and my birth mom being there. From her wedding when I was 3, to my kindergarten graduation, to countless sleepovers at her house, many birthday parties, my high school graduation and just random times of showing up at her house just to hang out with her and her kids. I have never not felt welcomed by her and also knew I had a place in her heart as well as her other biological children. I have always loved her and felt loved by her and never felt like she “gave me up”. Being adopted has really changed my life and a lot of my friends’  lives. I have been telling my story for as long as I can remember and in a way have been educating my friends about adoption also and now they can tell my story and educate others. 

My story is not like a lot of other adopted kids’ stories though. Even though many other children (especially who were adopted through CPO) have open adoptions, my story of having a very close and personal relationship with my birth mom is rare. An example is my brother who was also adopted through CPO and has an open adoption with his birthmother, refers to her as “Miss so&so” rather than just her first name like I do mine. Another example is a very close friend of mine who was adopted through CPO not long after me, has a very rough relationship with her birth mom that has caused her a lot of pain and sadness in her life. 

The relationship I have with my birth mom is definitely more of a friend relationship than a parent-child relationship. I have always been able to talk to her and address her like a friend. She also has never tried to punish me or told me what I’m doing is wrong. I feel as if she has always shown respect to my parents in that way. As I have gotten older and experienced life a little more and found out who I really am, I have been more open to talking to her about those things. For instance with school. I went to 3 colleges before dropping out and when I felt the guilt from that, I talked to her about it and she reassured me that she was never a big fan of school either. It was nice because we had something in common and it was good to hear that it was not just me who felt like this. Another thing is the depression that I have gone through. I talked to her about it just to maybe get an answer as to why I was going through it. She told me that it ran in the family, she didn’t have it, but her mom did and that is probably why I have it. It is nice having this relationship with her because even though we don’t have all the answers, I can find out a little more about myself that I might have never gotten the chance to know. 

I never really went through a period of thinking my birth mom didn’t want me. She always reassured me that that was not the case. My parents also made sure to let me know. I’ve always understood that what she went through was very hard and she was so young and could not take care of a baby and that she specifically picked out my parents to raise me. Now at my age, I can not even begin to imagine what she went through when she found out she was pregnant. And how she made the adult decision to look for other options because she knew she was not capable at that time to raise a baby. I don’t know if people who have not been associated with adoption know what it is really like to have to go through something like that. Like I said, as I’ve gotten older I have really tried to put myself in her shoes and really understand what she went through, not because I felt like it wasn’t the right decision, but more so to understand how much of a grownup decision she had to make at 16 years old with not much support in her life. 

I am thankful every single day for my parents. They are the best people I have ever met in my life. I am the oldest of 8 kids, us older 3 were adopted through CPO, the middle 2 are biological, and the younger 3 are adopted through foster care. Both of my parents have the most selfless hearts. They have helped so many people in their lives and continue to do it everyday. If were being honest, my mom still helps me make decisions and helps me through things and I’m 23 years old. She doesn’t have to, but that is the type of person she is. She really puts everyone before herself and it shows. My dad is the same way. I literally could not think of better people to be my parents and I am not only thankful to God, but also my birth mom because she found the exact right people to place me with. It has not only helped me, but it has also helped her. I have never told her personally but if there were four words I could tell her that really show my genuine love for her is “I’m proud of you”. I don’t know if she’s heard that at all and I don’t know how it feels hearing it from the child that she placed for adoption, but I really am proud of her. Making that decision had to have been one of the hardest decisions of her life and it really means the world to me that she made that decision not only for me but also for herself and stayed to tell me about it.

Humbled by your generosity!

$280,565!  Wowsers!  That is the amount of money our generous donors gave to CPO during the Christian Chapel matching challenge as of Jan.4th.  A big shout out to Christina Chapel for the $100k and so much thanks to ALL of our other donors!!  When we first discussed moving to a new location, we had no idea how many doors God was going to open!  But we have gone from an idea in February 2020 to a dream come true by December 2020.  I personally am so humbled and excited to see what God has planned for 2021.  We will be moving into the new building on Jan. 10th.  I hope everyone will come out and take a look around and I ask for many prayers for 2021.  Please pray that we will clearly see Gods will for 2021 and that every woman who needs us will find us.  We are ready to serve!


My Baby Brother

My Baby Brother

Written by Ashley Conklin

Hi, my name is Aiden.  I have a little sister.  I love her very much.  We do EVERYTHING together. I used to live with my mom AND my dad.  I love my parents a lot.  We used to live in an apartment together.  We were so happy.  Well most of the time we were happy.  Sometimes my dad would drink this bad smelling stuff.  When he did, he would get very loud and scary.  Sometimes he would hurt my mom.  I would be so scared and hug my little sister and tell her everything would be okay.  I didn’t know if it would be okay or not.  But I knew I was happy living with my parents, so I believed everything would be okay.

Then one time my dad drank too much of the smelly stuff and tried to hurt my mom and me.  It was very scary.  I still loved my dad, but he no longer lived with us.  I missed my dad a lot.  I loved him.  But it was nice not being scared by him.

I still got to see my dad, this made me and my sister very happy.  My mom would work a lot, so I missed her a lot.  My dad would also work a lot.  I missed him too.  I I loved them both.  He still drinks the smelly stuff, but not as much.  He is just gone a lot.  That is okay.  I get to spend time with my other family when I am at my dad’s.  It was cool.  I had a grandma who watched me when my dad worked.  I had also had another grandma who watched me when my mom worked.  I wish they did not work so much.  I missed them a lot.

One day, when I came back from my dad’s, my mom said she had a baby in her tummy.  I was happy.  I loved babies.  I loved my little sister a lot, and was excited for a new baby.  But mommy said this baby was special.  He was going to answer a prayer for another family.  I was confused and sad.  What was a prayer I asked?  My mom says sometimes a family cannot have another baby.  And this makes them sad.  So they pray to God, to bring them a baby.  But why can’t God let us keep this baby I asked.  I was sad.  Did God care if it made me sad?  My mom was also sad, I could tell she was crying.  This made me really sad.  I was mad at God for making us sad.  I wanted to know why.

Mom gave me a kiss, and said I love this baby too.  I Love you and your little sister a lot also.  But I work so much for food, clothes, toys, and everything else.  I prayed for an answer.  I want to be home and play with you two but with another baby I would have to work more and more. This would make us all very sad.  Mom told me she loved me and missed me too!  I love her, but I was still sad.  She told me that a different family will raise my baby brother.  That way mom can spend time with us and not work ALL the time.  Thinking about mom gone all the time made me sad also.  I was still very sad.  Mom told me this family was very special.  And this baby will make them very happy.  They loved us very much for helping them get a baby.  Mom said this is called an open adoption.

I was less sad now and asked what an open adoption was.  Mom told me it is when a family takes a baby home with them that grew in another mom’s belly.  Mom pointed to her belly and said this baby is growing in my tummy, but it will go home to a different family.  This is called an adoption.  This made me sad again thinking about the baby going home with another family.

I wanted the baby to be my brother. I asked mom again why he can not come home with us.

Mom reminded me that she has to work a lot for money.  We need money for food, clothes, toys, and everything else.  If we had another baby.  Mom will have to work even more. Mom said remember I will have to work all the time. And I love you, I miss you when you work.  I told mom I love her too and that I also missed her when she works. I didn’t want her to work all the time.

I was happy this baby was making another family happy.  But I was still sad about the adoption.  Mom was still sad too.  I now knew what an adoption was.  An adoption is when a baby grows in the belly of a mom, but then goes home to a different family.  This still made me sad.  But it made the other family very happy.  And it means mom will not have to work all the time.  Knowing mom will still play with me made me happy.  I asked mom if I can still see the baby.

Mom said yes!  This is an open adoption, that means we will still see him, and sometimes we will go places together like the park.  And we will get photos of him.  And he will learn our names.  This made me really happy.  I really like babies and even though this baby was going to this special family.  He will still be my brother.

Now when people ask me how many brothers and sisters I have.  I tell them about my little sister, who is always with me.  And I get to tell them about my special baby brother who was adopted by a special family.  I still sometimes miss him.

But when I do, he comes to the park and plays with me!


BIG NEWS! WE ARE MOVING!

We are excited to announce that we will be moving into a new 5800 sq. ft. facility sometime in early 2021!  We are hoping that this new location will make it much easier for clients to find us and increase our visibility.  It also offers us a central location for all our programs and services.  The address is 10207A E. 61st St. in Tulsa.  The build out is underway.  It will include the following spaces: A reception area and check-in desk, a counseling room, an office, 2 bathrooms, a childcare room, a kitchenette “Hang Out” space,  2 large classrooms and a boutique.  We have plenty of room to add an ultra sound space in the future when we are ready to reopen our clinic.  It has many windows, great parking and even a bus stop right out front.  Look for more info to come!


Celebrating 5 years partnering with Life Church!

On Thursday, October 15th, 2020 we were blessed with an extra $5000 gift in celebration of our 5th year partnering with Life Church. Members of Life Church Midtown also presented an annual gift of $23,500. That makes a total of over $64,000 in gifts over the last 5 years! We are so grateful to have over 57 volunteers from Life Church serving in many different ways at CPO!

Thank you Life Church for helping us serve women and children in need in the Tulsa area through your gifts and wonderful volunteers!


Don’t take our word for it!

 

We recently sent a survey out to our clients with this question.

“Do you feel like CPO has served you well? If not, please tell us how we could do a better job.”

We didn’t get a single negative response!  Here is what some of our clients had to say:

  • CPO most definitely served me well!
  • I have loved CPO! I wish there was one here in OKC!
  • We love CPO so much!
  • Y’all are amazing. I always tell people open adoption was the most grown up decision I have ever made 😂 y’all have been such a huge blessing to me!
  • Yes! Parenting my son would not be the same without the support I’ve received from the parenting group.
  • I love CPO they have been a blessing to me through good and bad times! I will forever be grateful for this group!
  • Yes, 100%. I look forward to coming every week & have found a connection with quite a few of girls.

Are you pregnant?  Do you need help?  You are not alone.  CPO is here to help you!  You can call or text 24/7 to our hot line 918-296-3377.

 


What makes CPO different than other adoption agencies 1,2,3,and 4 

What makes CPO different than other adoption agencies 1,2,3,and 4

First, we are not in the business of adoption!  We are a licensed adoption agency, but we are primarily a crisis pregnancy ministry.  We help women who want to parent also.  That means we have no incentive to pressure an expecting mother to choose adoption.  We will help her even if she decides to parent.  Adoption is just a service we provide.

Secondly, we do only open open open adoptions.  That means much more than providing pictures.  We believe that it is in the best interest of the child for there to be a relationship between their adoptive family and their biological family.  That can include attending birthday parties, get togethers, and CPO events together.  In most of our adoptions, the birth family and adoptive family become one extended family.  Besides a child can never have too many grandmas!

Third and maybe the most important, we offer free counseling for life!  We are here for our clients!   Our greatest gift is to provide you free counseling!  Making an adoption plan is not an easy decision.  A birthmother chooses adoption when she loves her child so much she is willing to live separately from them.  We will walk alongside her through the process by providing counseling, support group, mentoring and much more.

Fourth, since we are not in the business of adoptions, our fees for adoptive families are incredibly low.  This means we have many families who want to adopt through CPO.  Thus, we can be picky!  We require our families to be nonsmokers, married at least 3 years, active in their Christian church and agree to have one parent stay home until the child is school age.  They are also required to attend a 2 ½ day workshop and do an extensive home study.  We want only the very best families for our clients!

CPO is a safe and loving place to find help in a crisis pregnancy!  Call or text us at 918-296-3377.


CPO Parenting Group Spotlight

“K” recently shared her story:
CPO parenting group has helped me in so many ways. I’ve been apart of the group since around March of this year. I found CPO through the suicide prevention hotline after battling a very very dark time of serve anxiety & PPD. I had no idea where to turn & knew I needed help. I got into the doctor & went to CPO group that very next day. I was nervous, but from the moment I walked in the door I was felt welcomed. Before I even arrived to group I felt loved and heard on the phone with the receptionist. So much so that I was in tears by the end of the phone call. My second baby was just 6 months old & my first was a little over 18 months. We were all welcomed with open arms and even during new struggles they have had my back. They became an instant family to me from day one and I couldn’t imagine going through things without them now!
Do you have a friend or family member that might need extra support right now? Let them know about support group @cpotulsa !